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I’ve always been enthusiastic about the stuff I like. I like to share my interests and passions with other people, and I sometimes judge people for not having things they are passionate about. Something I’ll never do, though, is judge people based on whether or not their interests are the same as mine.
I also live my life fairly publicly, at least online. I don’t necessarily reveal a lot about myself – I refuse to geotag photos, or let my Maps app to know my location, or attach my photo to a bunch of things – but that’s more about wanting to keep my private life as private as possible from my students (some of whom are probably reading this right now). I have nothing to hide, but the people I teach don’t need to know how I spent my weekend, or where I’m going to be at 7:30 on Friday night.
Those are choices I’ve made for the sake of my privacy, and I can’t begrudge anyone else the online choices they make. I just can’t, not when women are being harassed and attacked for, well, pretty much everything.
The Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo has become a must-attend event for pop-culture fans, and has had to develop sexual harassment policies in response to what has become a fairly insidious attack on women in gaming and comic culture known as GamerGate. (I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on it, so go here to read about the origins of the ‘movement’. It should horrify you.)
Someone I follow on Twitter participated in a panel at the Calgary Expo. The panel was about the participation of women in comics, and was derailed by a group of Men’s Rights Activists (because that’s a thing men need, apparently?) who were more interested in making people uncomfortable than having a legitimate discussion regarding the panel’s topic. As a result of this panel, and the subsequent removal of a group selling pro-MRA/GamerGate/rape material (which you can read about here), my friend and countless others have been subject to abuse and harassment which has forced these women to lock down their Twitter and Instagram accounts, and change the way the live their lives online. As far as I know, they haven’t had to change their offline lives, which is good, but the intensity of the online abuse would be enough to make me go into hiding as well.
That situation, and others like it are admittedly extreme. But they happen with an alarming frequency. It’s nearly impossible to be on Twitter without seeing something about a woman being harassed for her participation in gaming or comic culture. I don’t get it, and I don’t think I ever will.
It’s no longer a question of casual misogyny, but of systemic anti-feminist rhetoric, against a group of people who are simply trying to make the things they are interested in a little bit more female-friendly. What’s happening though, is that women are forced to adapt to this new, twisted environment in ways they never imagined they’d have to.
It’s ridiculous the lengths women need to go to in order to feel safe on the Internet, something I have, and others do often take for granted.
What is also alarming, though on a very different scale, is the tendency of men to be surprised when a woman likes the same things they do. I play fantasy football every year, and every year I get a comment like “man, it’s so cool that you’re a chick and you like football” as if the two are necessarily mutually exclusive. I still don’t understand why it’s surprising to people, but there it is. I spend an admittedly inordinate amount of time talking about sports, both online and offline, and I am still sometimes met with surprise when I know about more than which player is hottest.
It’s hard to feel like I belong, though, when my knowledge and interest are questioned on a regular basis, and when I feel like I need to somehow prove my worth in order to be accepted. (I’ve addressed this here and here.) And even though I’ve addressed it, and attempted to talk to some of my friends who perpetuate this casual brand of sexism, it doesn’t seem to help. When the Oilers won the NHL Draft lottery, one of the places I turned was OilersNation for their reactions to the win. Everyone was suitable happy (and surprised), but something in one of the posts really sat wrong with me.
When discussing what his role would be now that the Oilers are most certainly going to land Connor McDavid, the author of one of the posts said this:
Now, I’m not entirely sure what a dirty city has to do with unattractive women, but there it is. I’m not sure, but at first glance it seems like the ONLY way to clean up the town is move the unattractive women to resettlement camps in the Rockies. There are so many ways that someone could talk about us cleaning up the city to make it presentable for the new kid without resorting to an offensive trope about ugly women. It’s important to note that the author of this post is only representing himself here, but this is a real thought that he had and wrote down and published. I saw this, and I sent him a series of private Twitter messages and have not yet received a response. Since it’s been over a week, I feel okay with putting this out there.
There’s no way that this is as bad as what happened at the Calgary Expo; it’s not even a contest. But what it does point to is another space which, for women, is not really safe. There’s an implication in the statement that reads “if you are an attractive woman, we welcome you”. Obviously, different people have different standards about attractiveness, but the insinuation here is that there are a lot of women who wouldn’t be attractive enough to stay; I know which category I’d be in.
Unsafe spaces don’t necessarily mean that a person feels threatened by their own presence there, but at least they feel unwelcome. The Calgary Expo, for all intents and purposes, is designed to be a safe space for everyone. Despite their official policy on sexual harassment, women still walked away from it feeling like they didn’t belong. I shouldn’t have to dread reading articles by certain OilersNation writers because I’m sure there will be some kind of sexist content. I don’t feel threatened, but I’m certainly not going to put my name to a comment that calls out the author on one of those posts.
All I want is to be able to participate in online and offline communities with other people who are passionate about the same things I am. My friend who presented at the Calgary Expo wants the same thing. It’s not unreasonable for us to expect that we can just be willing participants, and not have to justify our presence in the discussions anymore.
My friend shouldn’t have had to make her Twitter account private.
I shouldn’t have to censor myself when I go to my favourite hockey blog.
We’re already at the table. We just want to sit here and enjoy the meal.
Let Me Learn From Where I Have Been 
Very good post. As an active participant in many online communities I see and here this all the time. I am male and I can tell you that those type of responses don’t just apply to women. Although women do get treated much worse. Certain males find a strength in anonymity. All sorts of rude and disgusting comments come out of people because online there is no repercussions for ones unfiltered comments. As for things like Comicon. There are certain males that believe women are violating sacred ground. As if conics where only written for men. Perhaps this may derive from the content of the comics themselves as most commonly the woman is the one in need of saving. We are starting to see a larger push towards women playing stronger and more important characters. Hopefully that will manifest a change in our culture.
But for the most part it comes down to men not being sensitive and wanting to hold on to the concept of a men only club. It does shock men to see women act like and have similar interests as them. For some reason that results in a level of discomfort for them and as a result they lash out trying to protect what they believe belongs to them.
I wish I had an answer for you on how to fix this ongoing and growing problem. Removing internet anonymity might help but it might make it worse too. What works for me may not work for you as I am male. But standing up for oneself usually makes thinks worse. I just ignore the stupid and move on. I use my brain to act as the filter that persons brain should have had.
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